It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
