We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I intend to get homeless drunk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
