Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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