I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
