He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
