I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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