Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am midnight drunk by noon
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
