im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
