I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
