Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
