I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
