I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
