just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
