just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
