Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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