I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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