I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Randomize
