we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
