You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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