In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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