went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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