You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
