He disabled his match.com account in front of me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
