that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
