so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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