Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
