Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
