Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
