So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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