i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
