Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
