Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
