Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
