Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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