We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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