you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
