Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
