I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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