shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
