McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
