Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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