Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
