fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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