oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
