I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
