South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
