I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
