what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
