unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
