dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
