thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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