Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
