If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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