Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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